Category Archives: Movies

Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max: Fury Road is the best new action movie that I have seen in years.  If you care about action movies, go see it now!

I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting much going in.  I assumed it would be yet another cynical cash-grab reboot of an old series. I figured it was made not because someone had a good story to tell, but simply because it was something people had heard of and the studio could bank on the affection for the original without having to bother developing a good movie that people want to see in itself.

I was debating whether to see it in theaters or wait for Netflix, when I saw that it had a 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  At first I thought that was a typo.  But it isn’t.  The movie really is that good.

It is a spectacle movie.  There isn’t much in the way of character development, and no plot beyond “Good guys try to get away from bad guys.”  It’s just one long chase scene.  But what a chase!  It features amazing action, stunts, and vehicular madness that you’ve never seen before.  It’s done mostly with practical effects, which gives the movie a sense of physics and immediacy that you don’t see with CGI.  Now that anyone can put any fake-looking fake thing on the screen that they can imagine, our brains have stopped being impressed by CGI, and seeing something done for real makes a huge difference.

Fury Road is a rare reboot that is significantly better than the original.  But I’d go beyond that.  The action in Fury Road is so amazing, that I would say it completely negates the need to watch the original Mad Max series.  Everything in the original trilogy is just a lesser version of Fury Road.

Fury Road is awesome and you should definitely see it.

Star Wars Episode 7

Look, I would absolutely love it if Episode 7 was an amazing movie.  And I do have to admit the teaser trailer looks good.

This comic sums up the way most of my friends have been reacting to it:

But I’ve been burned before.  I remember how excited we were in the late 90s, based on the delusion that new Star Wars would be as amazing as old Star Wars.  I remember how there was a (false) rumor that they would show the first preview for Phantom Menace before the X-Files movie.  As each preview was starting, everyone in the theater cheered in anticipation.  Then when they really did show the preview before Meet Joe Black, people bought tickets to Meet Joe Black just to watch the previews and then walk out afterwards.  We all thought back then that Episode one would be awesome.

Then there was the enormous let-down of seeing the actual movie.  I’m convinced that this disappointment was a major contributing factor to the cynicism of the 2000s.  We got the thing we had been wishing for our entire lives, and it turned out to be awful.  The world just didn’t seem as bright and hopeful after that.

It’s easy to make a teaser trailer look good.  The teaser for Phantom Menace looked incredible.

It doesn’t look so good now that we know the context of those clips – how annoying Jar Jar and Anakin are, the wooden dialog, the boring incoherent plot.  But when the teaser was originally released, just seeing the Lucasfilm logo was enough to make us squeal with delight.  There was a double-sided lightsaber, cool looking ships, thousands of droids, Samuel L. Jackson, and a fully emotive Yoda.  We had no idea just how wrong it would all go.

Now people are getting their hopes up again.  And it reminds me of this scene from Fanboys:

For those of you who didn’t watch the clip, the joke is that someone is so excited about the upcoming release of Phantom Menace that he gets a full back tattoo of Jar Jar, on the assumption that the character will kick all sorts of ass.  We can laugh at that now.  My fear is that by the end of the year, we will look back at those who were excited about The Force Awakens in the exact same way.

Nothing would make me happier than if I turn out to be completely wrong about this, and the movie is great beyond the fanboys’ wildest dreams.  But for now, I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Batman vs. Superman

I’ve said many times that I don’t think there could ever be a good Superman movie, because of the eponymous Superman Problem.  Superman is just so powerful as a character that the only way to make him face a challenge is for him to be so stupid that he forgets his own powers.  That’s just not interesting to watch.

But if you make Superman the villain, then he becomes an incredibly daunting challenge himself.  If that challenge is faced by someone with much weaker superpowers*, that could be interesting.

I’m not convinced that Batman vs. Superman will be good.  I have plenty of reservations about Ben Affleck, and plenty more about Zack Snyder.  Especially after the steaming pile of crap that was Man of Steel.**  But unlike most Superman movies, Batman vs. Superman could be good.  So I’m cautiously hopeful.

* Yes, Batman does have superpowers.  He has the power of infinite money.  And in many incarnations, he also has the powers of magic technobabble, rapid healing, and making everyone around him stupid.

** There are a lot of bad things you could say about Man of Steel and how it betrayed the whole point of Superman.  But I never even got to that point because it violated the only absolutely unbreakable rule of movies/screenwriting, which is never be boring.  It was so dull that I quit watching after an hour, and never even got to the parts that everyone else hates.  (Other than the scene where he stands around with his thumb up his butt and watches his father die for no reason, which gave me a taste of how little I was missing by not continuing to watch.)

New on Netflix March 2015

Here’s the stuff coming out on Netflix that I recommend:

Aziz Ansari Live at Madison Square Garden (3/6) – I really enjoy Aziz Ansari’s standup, and am looking forward to this.

Finding Neverland – This drama about JM Barrie creating Peter Pan is both entertaining and poignant.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (3/11) – I haven’t seen this yet, but will watch it on Netflix. I though the original was fairly entertaining. Nothing amazing, but an enjoyable use of my time. I expect the sequel will be about the same.

The Man With the Iron Fists (3/31) – This is an entertaining dumb action movies. It takes the tropes of cheesy martial arts movies, and ramps them up to an insane degree. It’s kind of like Kill Bill on crack, and I mean that as a compliment. Very entertaining.

Other stuff you’ve heard of:

A Different World (complete series – 3/15)
Brothers Grimm
Life Itself (3/19)
Patch Adams
Rules of Engagement
Teen Witch
Third Rock From the Sun (complete series – 3/15)

Indiana Jones Remake

A god-damned Indiana Jones remake.

Face::Palm

On the other hand, at least this couldn’t possibly be as bad as that awful weird alternate reality fan-fic film that explored what would happen if an elderly Indiana Jones fought aliens.

On the third hand, one of my Iron Laws of Filmmaking is that every time you say, “Movies couldn’t possibly get any worse,” you are wrong.

At least this is still in the hypothetical phase, so we still yet may be saved from this abomination.

Interstellar and Idea-Based Spectacle Movies

[WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS MILD SPOILERS FOR INTERSTELLAR AND INCEPTION, AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR INTERSTELLAR IN ITEM #4]

I’ve talked about spectacle movies before. These are movies which either don’t have a story, have an incoherent story, or have a bare-bones generic story, but succeed through showing the audience some sort of spectacle they’ve never seen before.

Usually this spectacle is comedy, action, something visually stunning, or song-and-dance numbers. But there’s another kind of spectacle I haven’t talked about: The spectacle of interesting ideas. The ideas can be real or fictional, as long as they’re compelling concepts we haven’t really seen on film before. Some examples are 2001, Inception, Memento, and Terry Gilliam’s non-Python movies.

Interstellar tries to be an idea-based spectacle movie, but it fails. Everyone I’ve talked to about the movie, including myself, considers it somewhere between lousy and mediocre. (My own opinion is that it’s on the mediocre side of things.) I think it would be interesting to compare it to Inception, an idea-based spectacle movie by the same writer, same director, and in the same style, which ended up being much better.

Here are the reasons I think Interstellar doesn’t work while Inception does:

1. The ideas aren’t that big or interesting.

We’ve seen planetary exploration countless times, most notably in Star Trek. We’ve seen the idea of traveling through wormholes in Disney’s The Black Hole, Star Trek Voyager, and the children’s book A Wrinkle in Time. We’ve seen a world in decline in 75% of movies that take place in the future. I suppose the idea of a Magic Equation to Manipulate Gravity and Fix Everything ™ is new, but that really doesn’t play out in any visual or emotional way in the movie, so the audience can’t care about it.

Contrast this with Inception. I suppose we’ve seen the idea of dream-jumping in A Nightmare on Elm Street. But Inception did this much better, with coherent and well-explained rules that don’t rely on outright magic.

2. The core idea that the movie is trying to resolve is meaningless disconnected technobabble.

In Inception, the key problem that the hero is trying to resolve is how to go into someone’s dream to create a specific desire. We know this is extremely difficult because everyone in the movie insists it’s impossible. (Though Cobb knows it’s possible because he’s done it before, albeit with horriffic results.) The potential solution to this problem involves an intricate heist, multi-level dream journey, and lots of ass-kicking. That’s a clear, unambiguous goal, where the audience can easily understand what success and failure look like, and the journey to solve it is visually compelling.

In Interstellar, the key problem is to reconcile the gravity-whatsit equation to quantum-whoozit, in order to, uh, do something or other, maybe launch entire buildings into space or something, I guess. The potential solution to the problem involves Jessica Chastain staring at a chalkboard and being alternately sad and angry. The audience has no idea what any of that means, why it’s difficult, what success or failure looks like, or how to gauge progress toward a resolution. Which makes it impossible for us to care.

3. Inception is based on imaginary science, while Interstellar is based on real science that the movie gets wrong.

There’s no such thing as dream-jumping, and Inception wisely avoids trying to explain the science behind dream-jumping beyond “We have this machine that does it.” You might notice some logical inconsistencies, but beyond that, nobody can watch the movie and say “That’s not how dream-jumping works!” The movie is making up dream-jumping in the first place, so the rules of dream-jumping are whatever the movie says they are.

On the other hand, space travel, relativity, and basic physics are real things with real rules that exist independently of what the filmmakers make up. Which means that knowledgeable people will notice when the physics of the movie is wrong. And as I’ve said plenty of times, it’s okay for a fun silly movie to be dumb, but a movie that thinks of itself as smart cannot get away with dumb stuff.

4. The resolution to the big idea is a deus ex machina that makes no god-damned sense and has nothing to do with any of the characters’ actions throughout the movie.

[WARNING: THIS ENTRY IS A MEGA-SPOILER FOR THE END OF INTERSTELLAR. IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS, SKIP AHEAD TO THE LONG DASH]

So here’s how the big idea of the movie gets resolved, and they’re finally able to reconcile the gravity-whatsit to the quantum-whoozit: People from the future construct a magical tesseract inside a black hole, with the knowledge that Cooper will fall into that black hole, survive, and then land in the tesseract, where he will be able to send messages back in time to his daughter’s childhood bedroom, and he can translate the data that will solve the equation into morse code that he can transmit to his daughter’s watch, but he can’t send that information back in time and can only send that to the present when she revisits her childhood bedroom, which luckily is at the exact right moment. The fuh? If people In the future can do all that, why would they make it so the only means of communication was banging on a bookshelf in a little girl’s room? Why didn’t they send the necessary data further back in time? Why wait until a bunch of astronauts have died on an exploration mission that people from the future would know was pointless? For that matter, why wait until billions of people on Earth have died from the blight? Why couldn’t they just send a temporal e-mail to Michael Caine long before the movie began? Or if it’s only possible to communicate from the future by banging on things, bang on his chalkboard in morse code when he first started working on the equation.

The ending was flat-out stupid, and nonsensical even by the rules the movie sets up. Plus it made all of the action of the movie a complete waste of time. Why should we care about Cooper exploring these planets when it turns out they could just zip there using magic gravity equations? And note that in the end of the movie, old Murph suggests to Cooper that he go find Brand, who is all alone on her planet. Which means that humans didn’t even bother settling on the planets the mission was exploring.

Contrast that with Inception, where they said “We’re going to accomplish this nigh-impossible task by doing something very difficult.” Then they did it, and it resolved the problem. (Unless it was all a dream.)

Anyway, the moral to this is that if you’re going to make an idea-based spectacle movie, you need to make sure that your idea is novel, compelling, logical, and plays out on screen in a visual way that involves the characters. If you don’t do that, you’re just left with a generic or incoherent movie with no character development that is entirely forgettable.

Bad Movie Ideas – The Movie

The new day-job where I have lots of work to do at work is keeping me busy, so blogging has been light.  But this is something I have to comment on.

There were two movies announced today that are real versions of jokes I frequently make about terrible ideas for movies:

Tetris: The Movie

For reals, a movie based on Tetris.  Because it’s something people have heard of, and therefore executives want to make it into a movie, even though there’s no plot whatsoever.  This is literally the example I give for the worst idea for a movie imaginable.  (Sometimes I up the joke to “Cap’n Crunch vs. Tetris.”)

But at least Tetris (the game) is somewhat fun, which can’t be said for:

The Accountant: The Movie

A couple notes on this.  The Accountant isn’t actually about accounting, which would be absurdly boring.  (My day-job is as an accountant.)  It’s about an accountant who moonlights as an assassin, which sounds like it could be a reasonable movie.  I just think it’s silly that there’s a movie called “The Accountant.”

Regarding Tetris, the press release does note that “No cast, crew, production date, or release date have been determined. No writer has been named.”  Movies in that stage are entirely imaginary, and something less than 10% of movies in pre-production actually make it to release.  However, actual money has changed hands for the movie rights to Tetris, which is flat-out ridiculous.

New Movies on Netflix in September 2014

My blogging has been light recently.  I’m switching day-jobs, and have been busy wrapping things up on my old one.  Blogging will most likely continue to be light until I get up to speed on the new job.

A list of movies you’ve heard of that are new on Netflix in September is below.  But first, here are my recommendations:

AnacondaOne of those movies that’s so bad its good.

Arachnophobia: Not a great movie, but it’s some solid cheesy fun.

Braveheart: A solid, epic action movie, from back in the 90s when they made action movies with depth that could be critically acclaimed and win Oscars.

Also worth noting:

Chinatown: A noir classic that I personally find too incoherent to work, but a lot of other people love.

Good Morning, Vietnam: If you’re still depressed over Robin Williams’s suicide, this might be a good one to rewatch.  Has some of the best ad-libbing of all time.  I personally am not a fan of everything in the movie other than Robin Williams riffing.  Although this is the reason why I always think of Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” as a sarcastic song about grisly death.

Complete List

Movies

A Price Above Rubies
A Simple Plan
Across the Universe
Addams Family Values
Alfie
An Officer and a Gentleman
Anaconda
Anastasia
Arachnophobia
Are We Done Yet
Bounce
Braveheart
Brian’s Song
Chinatown
Cool Runnings
Coyote Ugly
Crocodile Dundee
Days of Thunder
Deep Blue
Defiance
Elizabethtown
Flubber
Good Morning, Vietnam
Guess Who
Hoodwinked
Jay and Sielnt Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie
Lords of Dogtown
School of Rock
Swiss Family Robinson
The Blue Lagoon
Silver Linings Playbook (Sept. 16)
3 Days to Kill (Sept. 17)
Bad Grandpa (Sept. 27)

TV
Californication
Doomsday Preppers
The Blacklist Season 1 (Sept. 7)
Trailer Park Boys Season 8 (Sept. 5)
The League Season 5 (Sept. 2)
About a Boy Season 1 (Sept. 14)
Arrow Season 2 (Sept. 14)
Bones Season 9 (Sept. 16)
New Girl Season 3 (Sept. 16)
The Fosters Season 2 (Sept. 17)
Revolution Season 2 (Sept. 22)
How I Met Your Mother (Sept. 26)
Parks and Recreation Season 5 (Sept. 26)
Comic Book Men Season 3 (Sept. 28)
The Walking Dead Season 4 (Sept. 29)

Battleship vs. The Lego Movie

I found this Overthinking It piece contrasting the Battleship movie to the Lego Movie to be interesting, but I feel like it missed the most important distinction.

The Lego Movie was created because people had a good story to tell.  Starting with a good story, it’s not surprising that we ended up with a good movie.  (Not that every attempt at telling a good story works out, but it is generally a necessary precondition.)

Whereas Battleship was just a cynical cash grab.  Some studio executive looked at a list of old toys and board games, picked out some that he thought people had heard of, and then decided to buy the rights and make movies out of them.  There was zero thought given to whether these would make good stories, or even if it was possible to make a story out of them at all.  It was just “People have heard of this, therefore [I hope] they’ll show up in theaters to see a movie version.”  As I recall, the same deal included the rights to make Monopoly, Stretch Armstrong, and Ouija Board movies.  (Though I’m going by memory of an article I read like 7 years ago, so I could be mistaken.  Also, I have to admit that I can imagine a decent Ouija Board movie.)

Consider this: Milton Bradley does not own the concept of battleships.  They own the trademark for a board game called Battleship, and the patent to those game mechanics.  But that intellectual property doesn’t extend to film.  Any studio that wanted to could have made a movie about a battleship, and probably even called it “Battleship,” without paying Milton Bradley a cent.

The only reason that the studio bought the the completely unnecessary rights to a game with no plot was to allow them the opportunity to lie that the eventual movie would have some connection to something people have vague affection for.  And telling that lie to the audience was the entire purpose of the movie.

All that was left to do was slap together a script that was just a means to get to ships firing guns, explosions, and someone saying “You sank my battleship.”  And when that wasn’t enough to reach their desired run time, pad that with more random action scenes like fist-fights and an alien in an exoskeleton.

Then the producers figured that they could just sit back and wait for all the people who played the board game as a kid to show up in the theaters.

But that didn’t work out for them.  I suppose we should be a bit thankful, as this whole exercise finally disproved the famous HL Mencken quote, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”  So there’s that.

How to handle texting and internet on film

I thought this video from Every Frame a Painting was pretty interesting.  It traces the development of how films/TV handle texting and the internet on screen.

For those of you too lazy to watch the video, it concludes that for texting, the best solution is simply showing text onscreen, with no speech bubbles or cutaways.  It lets you keep watching the actors’ performances while inferring who is texting whom, which keeps the viewer engaged.  This was first popularized in BBC’s Sherlock in 2010, but has been used a lot since then.

The video argues that nobody has yet come up with a good way to show internet usage, and that’s something that filmmakers still need to innovate on in order to find a solution.